Interpersonal Communication: What Are Disconfirming Messages?

Many of my clients are staying connected to staff, customers, or members, by hiring me to deliver virtual presentations.

I provide high-impact and high-content virtual presentations through Attendify, Engagez, GoToMeeting, GoToWebinar, Google Meet, Hopin, Loom, Meetview, Microsoft Teams, StreamYard, Webex, and Zoom.

Some people are friendly, cooperative, collaborative and communicative.  Some people don’t seem to engage other employees as enthusiastically, instead they send disconfirming messages.

Disconfirming messages simply and frankly deny the value of other people.

Disagreement can be disconfirming.  However, personal attacks are the worst.

Saying things like, “You’ve got to be kidding.”  Or, “You can’t be serious.”  Or, “You’re crazy.”  These types of statements can really drive people away.

There are also subtle behaviors that convey disconfirmation.  Ignoring the presence of the other person.  Making no nonverbal contact and avoiding direct eye contact.

Other examples of disconfirming messages include ignoring the other’s requests, failing to answer their questions, failing to return phone calls, or not replying to their emails or text messages.

Disconfirming messages can be more dynamic.  By jumping to interpretations or evaluations rather than focusing on truly understanding what the other person means.  Forcefully interrupting the other person or making it difficult for the other person to finish their thoughts or comments.  Responding tangentially to other’s comments by shifting or drifting the topic of conversation in a different direction.

If this type of behavior goes on too long, it can lead to partners constantly criticizing each other, showing contempt, becoming defensive, and engaging in stonewalling.  A sad state of affairs.  What a waste.

Working together could be so much fun.  You’re probably surrounded by many talented people.  It would be nice if they could be more interested in others and their ideas.  So be interesting, by being interested in others.

Disconfirming messages can quickly erode the success of talented people, teams, and organizations. It may be up to you to turn the tide.

If you need to find a keynote speaker, plenary speaker, breakout speaker, concurrent session speaker, seminar leader, or workshop facilitator who can deliver in-person, virtually, or via prerecorded session, Kit Welchlin, M.A., CSP, CVP, is a nationally recognized professional motivational speaker and author and can be found at www.welchlin.com or www.SeminarsOnStress.com.